I don't have a direct question, but I just wanted to know how it is with you. To start:
I'm a boy
will be 15 in a month
"late detonator"
and now only a light upper lip beard and 1.67 m
Today, like every evening, I thought too much. I wondered why I'm lying alone and not with a friend or anyone. I wondered where the "me and the boys" is. I wondered why I didn't want anything but lie down and be sad.
I actually gamble a lot, but I also have a hobby that I don't really take seriously. Playing the piano, practicing it bothers me. But that's another topic. I was playing minecraft again with some people from the internet who were younger than in. I often noticed that I think of a lot more and also articulate myself differently.
I had random flashbacks to a world I was playing with classmates 7 months ago. I wondered why I was playing with people on the internet and not real people. Because I was thinking too much, I ran to my mother and asked where my old books were. Because I once hid a book between the books for a day. I read a lot. I was the popular boy back then. Everything revolved around me. Everyone wanted to do something to me. But a girl turned my head in elementary school. I was in love with her from 1-6. It was exactly the time when I was something "special" as a person, someone who was simply there. Someone irreplaceable. I say many other things in my book. But everything became "more manageable". From the friends who stood in line to do something to me, few people I always asked. From the exchange about girls or generally speaking to the "it will be fine". I realized that I was becoming less popular. I noticed that I can't allow myself to be who I'm. If I'm being honest I have one only friend. The rest of it doesn't even care how I'm doing. So far I haven't had a single girlfriend, just a pair of baskets (7). I have never been intrusive on subjects like this.
I realized that I can't say anything about love or whatever. It's not that important to me either. But what I want to say. In class, I'm always "active" or even "annoying". I'm just "alive". Sometimes I call in something or just am there. But at home I play with friends online again, but I'm alive with them too. I got very insulting over time. I don't know why, but I insulted a lot. More than fun, but I built up respect. "Sorry about the Internet. I only saw my only friend every couple of weekends, and the same thing every other day. I'm happy when I'm at the piano because I'm just someone else see. I don't like these "emo" people myself, but I'm one myself. My question to you guys. Am I special, or is that with you too?
I feel 100% the same way. I've been 14 for three months, have neither a mustache, nor a girlfriend, generally a lot of friends, I'm 1.70 m tall and I haven't even broken my voice. I have a few other problems, with sadness almost always and crying myself to sleep almost every day. I can understand, but unfortunately not really help you because I don't see a way out myself.
